Dear Mr Darcy | YouTube

A great YouTube video: Dear Mr Darcy

An open letter to Mr Darcy.
Produced by Sense and Spontaneity in partnership with The Gelo Company.
Written and performed by Esther Longhurst and Jessica Messenger.
Sound by Nathan Jay @AudiOh. Filmed, directed and edited by Robert Woods at Sandbox. Hair and makeup by Kate Anderson.
With special thanks to Chandelabra Weddings and Events.

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Dear Mr Darcy, Dear Mr Darcy
Verse One:
Dear Mr Darcy we’re composing a letter
We’ll discuss your merits how you could be doing better
You’re the picture of gentility despite your lack of cheer
And no one could object to 10,000 pounds a year
You have all the qualities of a desirable man
But if you’re open to feedback we hope that you can
Take on just one instruction couldn’t possibly hurt
For you to spend more time in a wet white shirt

Dear Mr Darcy we don’t want to be cruel
But if we saw you on the street we’d push you into a pool
Dear Mr Darcy we don’t mean to be curt
But we only want to see you in a wet white shirt

Verse Two:
You pay of wretched weddings with stealth and bribery
And behind closed doors have an enourmous library
You like your hems dirty and admire fine eyes
But only if they’re brightened by exercise
You’re rude, abrasive and you don’t enjoy balls
You forget the main point it’s not about his flaws
Let’s give positive feedback, let’s take a look
At his finest moment – It’s not even in the book!
We know you’re not perfect — Let’s agree on that
But your bodies pretty close not a skerrick of fat
We don’t understand how you’re keeping it so tight
We insist that what it’s covered in is wet and white

Dear Mr Darcy we don’t want to be mean
But the thought of you in dry clothes is just obscene
Dear Mr Darcy you’re keeping it tight
We insist that what it’s covered in is wet and white

Fitzwilliam Darcy the reason you’re likeable
Is not because you’re rich, attractive and reliable
Or because the grounds at Pemberley are desirable
What we really want is a mind that’s pliable
Although it might seem despicable
We fall in love for reasons that are typical
It’s not until we realise your characters changeable
We want the perfect man to be rearrangeable!

Verse Three:
Please forgive us for our lack of piety
We’re justified by your impropriety
We know you’re not an object we really do
We’re ashamed of ourselves we swear it’s true
Having said that now if you could take the time
Could you ride a horse all covered in grime?
Or chop down a tree all sweaty and glowing?
Or lean in to the wind when it subtly blowing?
It doesn’t matter who plays you but for what it’s worth
We’ll always close our eyes and think of Colin Firth


Every Woman, ever.

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